The Power of a Pause

One reason I love doing this work is because it requires me to embody the ideas that I teach. For example, just yesterday I found myself in a familiar situation. My ex was supposed to bring my daughter to volleyball tryouts and pick her up - we had agreed on that last week.

As I was getting ready to go out to dinner with friends, he texted and asked if I could pick her up after tryouts were over. No explanation, just asking if I could step in. Now - if this was a few years ago, I would have changed my plans and made myself available because that's what I thought a good mom would do.

I replied "why?" followed by "I suppose so" and then I felt the resentment begin to creep in, so I paused. I can't stress this enough. I took a breath and listened to my thoughts:

• "Of course he'd do this!"

• "He barely spends time with the kids as it is, and he can't even follow through with this?!"

• "Here we go again...my time doesn't matter!"

It had been a long week; I was exhausted and primed to argue. And tired enough to agree to what he was asking just to avoid any conflict. "Former Me" would have fallen into one of those traps, which would have created more problems and put me in a crappy mood. "New And Improved Me" knew better. I had been down that road many times and it never led anywhere good.

Giving myself a couple minutes to think allowed me to be less reactive and more direct. I took another breath and then I texted him that while I technically could pick her up, I was counting on him (and so was she!) to drive her.

He replied "no problem," and that was it. I patted myself on the back, said goodbye to my kids and headed out to my car where I suddenly realized that the dinner with my friends was next week. Grateful for an unexpected night at home, I went inside, put on my pajamas and plopped down on the couch.